Homo Anatinus

perhaps I’m being nationalistic or influenced by Western media, but Russia’s attempt to use a spy kit straight out of a 1970s film (a compass and paper map? shitty wigs? I imagine the CIA is a bit more savvy) to label a diplomat as a spy is really lame. furthermore, it fits with the increasingly frantic behavior of the Kremlin to gain support and mobilize the frustrated people by opening up battles against imaginary enemies, be it the foreign operatives of international organizations, Americans wanting to adopt kids, gays, feminists, whatever. 

seeing Russian diplomacy in action and being more and more exposed to Eastern European politics really makes me despise Putin and the Russian state. it’s much more insidious that I had previously understood. 

today I watched multiple U.S. Congressmen doze off during a general committee meeting. one was drinking Mountain Dew to stay awake. gross. even grosser is that he had to have brought that from the U.S. specifically for the occasion. hellooo Viennese coffee will keep you awake and not poison you and be the best coffee you’ve ever had in your life. 

I had a list of attendees with thumbnail pictures of them to identify who they were but honestly could not distinguish between the congressmen even with the reference. stodgy old white men with white hair every last one of them, with the exception of one black man. I recognized Bernie Sanders but he was the only one. tonight I will try to chat them up at a reception. I think my opening line will be, “how does it feel to be a member of one of the most universally hated and dysfunctional political bodies in the united states?”

The PowerPoint made by the military representative of Kazakhstan is so bad it’s good. Colored fonts over patriotic photos of Kazakh soldiers in fut hats, please and thank you! 

he is speaking Russian so quickly that I think the interpreter is going to hyperventilate. On Tuesday I begin Russian courses but I have no hopes of advancing past the ability to give a proper toast (it will be a good future party trick and Russians make the best toasts ever). 

testing the milk to see if it sour before the American delegation visits our office. borderline fresh. the Ambassador refused my offer to go get more because he is a frugal German.

potential diplomatic row?

at the opening of the OSCE today, the U.S. representative mentioned LGBT rights and prevention of bullying and I was like, thanks hillary, thanks gaga.

the language ukraine, russia, and belarus use to talk about the importance of human rights is endlessly amusing. both the ukrainian and russian “affirmed” election monitoring, but then said that their elections were falsely monitored and that there need to be new rules to ensure “objective” election monitoring missions. 

the holy see chimed in, pointing out that three popes had stepped on the soil of ukraine and reminding everyone that god exists.

international politics is fun!! 

positive outcomes of drunken kleptomania

Sometimes when I am drunk I steal things (benevolently). Also sometimes when I am sober, but only fine cheeses from expensive supermarkets.

Once, walking home after a long night, I found a PSA with a picture of a cute dog, a pile of shit, and a threatening message telling all the Viennese that they would be charged 36 euro if they didn’t clean up the shit of their pet. The best bit is the quote under the image of dog shit which says, in wonderful Austrian dialect, “Nimm ein Sackerl für mein Gackerl” (or, “bring a bag for my shit.”)

A pro-business, anti-immigrant, right-wing party in Austria (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Freedom_Party_of_Austria) just started a massive billboard advertisement campaign throughout Vienna that has a picture of a very Aryan looking blue-eyed politician douche bag spewing some nationalistic bullshit in German about the rights of Austrians over non-Austrians. This morning I left my flat to find the advertisement of the busstop directly in front of my apartment building changed from an Ottakringer beer ad to one of these fucking fascist political ads. Mind you, I live in a neighborhood of almost exclusively Turkish/Balkan immigrants and broke students. I had to act.

So I took my stolen PSA that had been living outside of my apartment door, cut out the shit and the slogan, and duct taped it to the eye-ball of the Aryan asshole who stares at me every time I open my door. Underneath, at the suggestion of my flatmate, I taped a bag for the gackerl. It will probably be ripped off by tomorrow, and my camera battery is dead and I’ve lost my charger so I can’t even take a picture, but hopefully someone chuckled at my small act of defacement. 

The far-right in Europe is just the worst and growing stronger and stronger. It makes me sad. When I was younger I used to harbor such naive ideas about how Europe was some sort of progressive utopia compared to the United States. I think as a result of this old fantasy, the right-wing here upsets me more than at home. 

I couldn’t find a picture of the current ad, but I found an old one from the same party. It says: “More courage for our Viennese blood; too many foreigners is good for no one.”

Gag.